Grandma

The sun was shining but it was a little chilly outside.  Tilmon the oldest was in the living room playing video games.  Gladys Hughes his grandma was sitting and watching the video game she loved to watch football whether it be real or not.  She would occasionally comment on how her father would love to watch Tilmon play football, he didn’t really pay too much attention to it he’d just smile and continue to play.  A couple minutes later Gladys’ daughter Tilmon’s mom Iantha came downstairs said high and sat next to her mom on the couch.

“Iantha…..where’s my father at I just saw him this morning?”

The roar of the virtual crowd was hushed by the pause menu; Tilmon had been asked the same question earlier that day and didn’t know how to respond.  He turned his attention to his mother the one person who had all the right answers to his grandma’s questions.

Gladys Hughes is a small elderly woman that never frowns and always smiles.  She was born in Oklahoma and she’ll let you know every time the sooners when a big football game.  Threw her life she has carried many tittles wife, mom, grandma, church elder, and a lot of the time just Ms. Hughes.  When asked how to describe her mother Iantha Parker said

“My mother is the perfect role model.  She has never been a "do as I say, not as I do parent."  My mother has a kind and loving spirit that is evident in everything she says and does.  She is a Christian and I think anyone who meets her would know almost immediately that she is a spiritual woman with strong faith. My mother is fantabulous!”

A couple months before that sunny day the family noticed a slight change in Gladys’ behavior, she seemed lost and confused and it concerned them because Iantha’s father Alvin Hughes had Alzheimer’s disease and passed while the children were still young. 

What is Alzheimer’s? “Alzheimer's is a type of dementia that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. Symptoms usually develop slowly and get worse over time, becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks” (http://www.alz.org). 

Gladys was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s after a couple trips to the doctor and it was now Iantha’s responsibility to make sure her mother got the care she needed.  Even though she continued to work full time she still did what she could to make sure her mother was ok.  Like making her food for the day, “I used to make her breakfast and prepare something for lunch so she wouldn’t have to cook anything.” 

During the early stages it wasn’t very hard to care for Gladys, a lot of the work was making sure she took all her medicine and be there to comfort her when she got confused.   She would ask questions about dead relatives or tell you the same thing ten times in five minutes but ask you “how?” when you reply “I know” and “no I didn’t” when you say “you told me already.” 

But “Alzheimer's is a terrible disease that attacks the brain and eventually your body.  It has several phases of progression.”  In the later stages the family began to get worried about Gladys’ safety.  Iantha continued making Gladys breakfast and lunch before leaving to work, but after a while it became evident that Gladys had stopped eating the second meal.

Gladys would eat every meal at the dinner table in the same chair, near that chair there was a big plant.  One day Tilmon decided he would eat in his grandma’s seat because she was finished and had moved to the living room.  To his and Iantha’s surprise when he looked over at the plant he discovered bits and pieces of food stuffed in the leaves and the dirt.  From then on Iantha would eat dinner with Gladys to make sure she got enough to eat.  “She started to hide food; I would find food everywhere in her room in her purse, I don’t know if she just wasn’t hungry any more or if he was trying to save it.” 

As the disease progressed the family began to worry about Gladys and if it was safe for her to live in the house.  One of the hardest things to deal with is when Gladys stated to suffer from “sundowners syndrome.” 

“Sundowner’s Syndrome is the name given to an ailment that causes symptoms of confusion after “sundown.” These symptoms appear in people who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease or other forms of dementia. Not all patients who suffer from dementia or Alzheimer’s exhibit Sundowner’s symptoms, however. Conversely, some people exhibit symptoms of dementia all day which grow worse in the late afternoon and evening, while others may exhibit no symptoms at all until the sun goes down.”

Alva Hughes Gladys’ oldest daughter had done some research on dementia and Alzheimer’s and eventually came across this to explain why Gladys became so restless at night. 

Some nights Gladys would ask Iantha “where’s my keys? I have to go home and feed the dog.”  Sometimes Iantha would have to stay up and sit in the living room with her mother trying to convince her that she no longer drove and that she lived at her house where there is no dog.

“I used to just be very patient and tell her mommy you’re staying here with me today.”

In the very late stages Iantha and her family had to “Grandma Proof” their house.  Unplug the microwave so she wouldn’t stick anything in it that shouldn’t.  Hide all keys to cars so she wouldn’t try and drive.  Take off the nobs to the oven because she would try to cook dinner but get confused half way and put the plastic bowls straight on the burner.  No chemicals in the bathroom because she would get confused and mistake bleach for perfume and nail polish for lipstick.  Iantha would never mention Gladys’ house in fear that her mother would become emotional and demand to go home.  The whole family would have to watch her during holidays to make sure she wouldn’t feed her medicine to Aunt Alva’s dog, and towards the end of her stay at the Parker house Iantha and the family would have to check on her in the bathroom to make sure she was ok.

It wasn’t that it was too hard to care for Gladys Iantha just felt that it wasn’t safe for her to stay home alone for a long period of time.  Tilmon and Imon were in college meaning she would have to be home alone for a longer period of time.  Gladys now lives in an assisted living home called the house of Joseph where she seems to like it.

I asked Iantha how Alzheimer’s has affected her and her mom

 “Alzheimer's has taken away many of my mother's memories and at times the disease makes it difficult for her to communicate.  She seems to understand what I say to her but she often has difficulty finding the correct words to respond and carry on a conversation.  She can no longer care for herself as the result of the deterioration of her executive functioning.”

            I then asked her, What would you want people to know about your mom?  She said

“I would want people to know that even though she has Alzheimer's, she's still the same wonderful person inside with a heart of gold.”